Big Gay Family

Social Program

CC Codes

Introduction Summary:

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CC Codes

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FAQ - Communication

How Do I Schedule A Call With Him?

Once you receive your introduction, one person will be the Leader and the other The Participant.  The Leader is responsible for reaching out and for scheduling all interactions.  

To organize calls we recommend you use the service Calendly.  Click below to get a free account:

Once you create your account, you get the link to your calendar.  You share that link with the men you meet through the program.  This way you never miss any calls and they also avoid no-shows by getting reminders.  

It will take you 10 minutes to set this up and it is free to use for our purposes.

Leader & Participant Roles

Inside Big Gay Family, Introductions include roles.  Once the Introduction goes out, one person is selected to be the Leader and the other as the Participant.   

The Leader is in charge of the structure for the Introduction. This includes initiating the first contact, reaching out weekly and making sure all calls are scheduled.  

The Leader is also responsible for the activation of Extensions and for the creation of Social Contracts.  

Separating the roles into Leader & Participant gives everyone clarity about who is responsible for which part of the Introduction.  Details about the roles are included inside the Introduction email.

What Are CC Codes?

Communication Codes (CC Codes) speed up your communication.  They restore positive flow of intimacy with your partner at moments that require feedback and clarity.  

CC Codes enable you to share your intention at critical moments of bonding so that you connect instead of walking away.  

What Is The Red Zone?

When gay men hurt each other, they create Trauma. To avoid this level of hurt, we identified the behaviors that create Trauma and we call them the Red Zone. 

Red Zone is a dysfunctional communication zone where Trauma is ALWAYS occurring. Once you enter into Red Zone, the relationship is likely going to be impacted. 

To prevent that, you do your best to avoid RED ZONE BEHAVIORS and if they do happen, you let your partner know immediately by sending him CC Code 77. 

Inside Big Gay Family, we list 5 behaviors that create Trauma and they should be avoided at all costs.   

1. Abandonment (walking away without closure)
2. Ambivalence (not caring about his feelings)
3. Sexualization (turning men into sexual objects)
4. Devaluation (making someone feel less than)
5. Power/Control (not surrendering)

When Red Zone happens, apologies will be facilitated and equilibrium will be restored.  Please watch the tutorials to learn more about Communication Zones And Communication Codes.

Frequency Of Calls

Initially, once you receive your introduction, you start with weekly calls.  You want to be able to contain 3 calls within 30 days while On The Bridge so that the connection can build.

Once you enter into Extensions, you can switch to bi-weekly calls instead of weekly calls. 

As you receive more and more introductions, you will be compelled to organize your calls so that with some men you talk weekly and others every 2 weeks and some once a month. 

Decision About Continuity

To avoid accidental rejections and abandonment, we instituted a policy for the decision about continuity. 

Instead of telling each other whether you want to continue or not, you delegate those decisions to the coaching calls so that each introduction is protected by 3rd party witnessing.

This is one of the most important rules in the program that everyone has to protect.  This rule protects everyone from accidental or negligent Trauma.  This rule helps us put an end to the Trauma-Cycle and restore vulnerability and receptivity for everyone inside BGF.

All decisions about Continuity need to happen inside Coaching Calls instead of the privacy of your mind to avoid self-sabotage, unresolved conflicts and open emotional loops.

What Are Family Sessions?

Family Sessions help gay men become emotionally self-aware so that they can be ready for long-term relationships.  Family Sessions focus on emotional development and emotional self-awareness. Family Sessions are coaching sessions that have the intent of helping you feel all range of emotions and to channel out emotional energy through the body/mind.

What Is A Social Family?

Your goal of membership is to build a social family and a social unit. Social Family is the group of men with whom you are emotionally, romantically and sexually connected. 

What Is A Social Unit?

Social Unit is a group of men who give you an extra ability to achieve more, to become more, to accomplish more.  Instead of emotion and sexuality, men who enter into your Social Unit have utility and pragmatic value to offer you.  

To help others enter your Social Unit, you create a Social Contract that becomes the Initiation into your Social Unit.

Big Gay Family 

Social Program