How Do I Schedule A Call With Him?
Once you receive your introduction, one person will be the Leader and the other The Participant. The Leader is responsible for reaching out and for scheduling all interactions.
To organize calls we recommend you use the service Calendly. Click below to get a free account:
Once you create your account, you get the link to your calendar. You share that link with the men you meet through the program. This way you never miss any calls and they also avoid no-shows by getting reminders.
It will take you 10 minutes to set this up and it is free to use for our purposes.
Leader & Participant Roles
Inside Big Gay Family, Introductions include roles. Once the Introduction goes out, one person is selected to be the Leader and the other as the Participant.
The Leader is in charge of the structure for the Introduction. This includes initiating the first contact, reaching out weekly and making sure all calls are scheduled.
The Leader is also responsible for the activation of Extensions and for the creation of Social Contracts.
Separating the roles into Leader & Participant gives everyone clarity about who is responsible for which part of the Introduction. Details about the roles are included inside the Introduction email.
What Are CC Codes?
Communication Codes (CC Codes) speed up your communication. They restore positive flow of intimacy with your partner at moments that require feedback and clarity.
CC Codes enable you to share your intention at critical moments of bonding so that you connect instead of walking away.
What Is The Red Zone?
When gay men hurt each other, they create Trauma. To avoid this level of hurt, we identified the behaviors that create Trauma and we call them the Red Zone.
Red Zone is a dysfunctional communication zone where Trauma is ALWAYS occurring. Once you enter into Red Zone, the relationship is likely going to be impacted.
To prevent that, you do your best to avoid RED ZONE BEHAVIORS and if they do happen, you let your partner know immediately by sending him CC Code 77.
Inside Big Gay Family, we list 5 behaviors that create Trauma and they should be avoided at all costs.
1. Abandonment (walking away without closure)
2. Ambivalence (not caring about his feelings)
3. Sexualization (turning men into sexual objects)
4. Devaluation (making someone feel less than)
5. Power/Control (not surrendering)
When Red Zone happens, apologies will be facilitated and equilibrium will be restored. Please watch the tutorials to learn more about Communication Zones And Communication Codes.
Frequency Of Calls
Initially, once you receive your introduction, you start with weekly calls. You want to be able to contain 3 calls within 30 days while On The Bridge so that the connection can build.
Once you enter into Extensions, you can switch to bi-weekly calls instead of weekly calls.
As you receive more and more introductions, you will be compelled to organize your calls so that with some men you talk weekly and others every 2 weeks and some once a month.
Decision About Continuity
To avoid accidental rejections and abandonment, we instituted a policy for the decision about continuity.
Instead of telling each other whether you want to continue or not, you delegate those decisions to the coaching calls so that each introduction is protected by 3rd party witnessing.
This is one of the most important rules in the program that everyone has to protect. This rule protects everyone from accidental or negligent Trauma. This rule helps us put an end to the Trauma-Cycle and restore vulnerability and receptivity for everyone inside BGF.
All decisions about Continuity need to happen inside Coaching Calls instead of the privacy of your mind to avoid self-sabotage, unresolved conflicts and open emotional loops.
What Are Family Sessions?
Family Sessions are coaching sessions that members have with each other. Family Sessions are designed to promote social learning and habit change based on a person's goals and direction in life.
What Is A Canonical Family?
One of your activities inside Big Gay Family is to create a family of six men. This is your Canonical Family. Canonical Family is a group of men who have become friends and who are interested in learning about each other.