Welcome To

Level 1

Big Gay FAmily Social Program

Big Gay Family has Guiding Principles that govern our activities and methodology.  Understanding these principles helps you succeed in the Program and create relationships that last a lifetime.

We divided the Guiding Principles into Levels.  Each Level corresponds to your stage of involvement in the program.  The goal of each Level is to guide you towards a stronger experience of unity and emotional connections with other community members.  

This page is about Level 1 Guiding Principles.  Access to the next level will become available to you with more involvement in the Program.

The 5th Level is the initiation into the Golden Circle which represents the completion of your "Hero's Journey" - the journey of self-discovery and personal transformation.  

All Guiding Principles are designed to help you to successfully enter the Golden Circe and in the process create the best relationships of your life.

See you inside The Circle,
Paul Angelo
Feb 2022

Principle 1

Relationships are outcomes of a series of commitments that lead to the experience of togetherness and the ongoing desire for continuity.  

To be able to have commiements, you will need to learn how to hold the tension of a commitment.

Big Gay Family Social Program is a commitment based gay social program where you discover the value of commitment and where you learn to create the best relationships of your life.

Because the experience of commitment is often a strong experience that produces a reaction - we ask that all members learn to hold the tension of commitment.

Holding The Tension means to stay focused on the path inside Big Gay Family until you begin to feel the positive emotional sense of belonging.

Commitment requires the ability to Hold The Tension of personal desires that want to break the commitment.  Because all relationships are build with commitment - Holding The Tension is a foundational skill for building trust and is the first skill to master inside Big Gay Family.

Being willing to Hold The Tension begins your Hero's Journey - your journey of self-discovery.  You will learn how to maintain composure and stay committed to your path of destiny despite obstacles and fear.  

Holding The Tension teaches you commitment, structure and integrity so that you experience virtuous parts of you and build relationships through higher level consciousness.  

You Hold The Tension until you enter the Golden Circle - the 5th Level for Big Gay Family Social Program.

Principle 2

Releasing your ego is about minimizing the presence of two sabotaging patterns of the mind - desire for control and for validation.  Control manifests itself with specific requests, conditions and expectations.  When certain conditions are not met, he is rejected, forgotten and replaced.   

Validation manifests itself through the need to be in agreement with others about politics, the world and personal affairs.  Knowing that someone else disagrees causes a high level of stress and leads to rejection.  In reality, it rarely matters who knows what, but the need to be right becomes so strong that it leads to rejection when someone holds a different view.  

For most single gay men, their need for validation will be higher and will often cause them to reject those who disagree with their ideas.  To prevent rejection from happening, we become aware of the need for validation on a conscious level and we neutralize it with openness to experience and unconditional acceptance of others. 

The best example of the pattern of control is sexuality.  If he does not fit the template of attraction, he is devalued and rejected, often on the spot.  This pattern is automatic - most gay men wrongly assume that choosing someone based on sex is okay.  In reality, it is a form of shaming & devaluation - in some cases humiliation.  Nobody should ever be evaluated on the basis of his sexual utility.  Doing so creates Trauma.

When you release your Ego, you are letting go of the need to control your social experiences and having to know the outcome.  You focus on the process of relating and you trust that the social process inside Big Gay Family has everything you need to create the best relationships in your life.

Inside Big Gay Family, you get access to a social process that is designed to bring you closer to other men.  This means that you can release control and you can trust the process we created inside Big Gay Family and by doing so - you can release the pressure from having to predict the future with every person you meet and you can enjoy the actual experience of each other.  

Imagine not having to know what happens but also trusting that good things will happen.  When you release your Ego - you are giving up the need for control and allowing each experience to be brand new, fresh and exciting.

Releasing your Ego can lead to unexpected positive outcomes. You will be able to be "ontologically" present to another person and to be able to offer understanding unlike anyone else.  

This ontological presence is called a state of non-attachment.  You are not seeing him for who you want him to be, but for who he actually is. You are no longer projecting your thoughts or desires onto him and instead you see him for who he appears to be.  

This state of non-attachment gives you the chance for greater intimacy by getting to know the real person instead of the imagined person of your projections.  You are connecting without the presence of a game - sexual or otherwise.  You are connecting authentically and emotionally, perhaps for the first time in your life.

By releasing the Ego you are able to release the hedonistic and materialistic patterns of looking at other gay men.  To shame means to reduce each other to sex and focus on the sensation of pleasure as a measure of possibility for long-term relationships.  By releasing your Ego you are choosing to let go of your sexual expectations and your anticipation of sexual validation with everyone you meet, freeing you from the biggest trap in the gay world - the trap of sexual compatibility.  

Looking for sexual compatibility causes fragmentation of the process of connecting by reducing the value of a man to sexual value or a material value and discarding his personality, talent, wisdom.

By releasing your Ego you are allowing surprises to happen and you are allowing unknown benefits of being around men to be discovered.  Imagine a state of mind where you are excited about all the new and surprising things to happen when you meet men.

Creating successful relationships requires being willing to let go of opinions about politics, sex, money so that we can experience a feeling of a connection.  

By recognizing the presence of the Ego and being willing to release it you are going to experience one of the biggest transformations of your life -  romantic love.

Principle 3

Surrender is a deeper version of trust - where you let go of analysis of the  environment and instead you enter into the experience of "things".  

Surrender allows you to turn down the volume of the mind and instead to allow emotional and intuitive perceptions to strenghten and to become activated. 

By surrendering you are giving yourself a chance to connect to your body's intelligence - your inner Guidance.  Your Inner Guidance comes from your intuitive and emotional parts of the body's intelligence. Listening to your Inner Guidance gives you the Intimacy that you are seeking to get from others and allows you to feel connected to who you are and trust in your choices. 

Inside Big Gay Family, it is easy to integrate your Inner Guidance because you are protected from abandonment, rejection or judgment when you listen to your "heart/soul".   

Towards Governance & Social Transformation

Powerful Ideas For Gay Men

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The one uniting ingredient is the presence in the community and the desire to belong and to create something new.

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