Paul is the creator of the Big Gay Family Social Program. He has been coaching gay men since 2010, helping them create the best relationships of their lives. Paul has over 21 years of experience in long-term romantic relationships. Paul is the creator of 5 video-based online courses and over 1,000 videos about the psychology of gay relationships and gay sexuality.

I created the program because I wanted to give gay men an opportunity to find a home, a place where they can belong and where they can meet other gay men in a loving and peaceful way, protected from stressful situations and unhealthy men.

Gay life is difficult enough on its own and when our relationships are not working, we end up depressed, lonely, and unhappy. Feeling disconnected from other gay men can be a very painful experience.

The loneliness epidemic and the increasing rates of substance abuse in the gay community are important to mention, even though painful to talk about. It feels confusing to hear about loneliness and substance abuse because we live in a modern world and such a level of unhappiness certainly must be avoidable.

I wanted to do something about it. I wanted to create a program where relationships happen all the time and the pain of loneliness can be avoided. But to do that I needed to understand the reason why this was happening to begin with.

I quickly discovered the missing piece. Most dating services only give gay men access to each other but they fail to offer guidance on how to connect. Gay men are bumping into each other all the time, but very few connect for love and friendships.

The struggle to connect is the foundation for everything that is painful in our lives. Psychologically speaking, everyone needs to feel connected and loved to be happy.

So, we needed a better approach to relationships. We needed access to men and a step-by-step dating strategy to help them connect. And now, loneliness can be avoided and the pain from disconnection that leads to substance abuse and unhappiness can be prevented!

Big Gay Family offers both and this is why it stands out as the only gay relationship program in the world that delivers loving relationships for most of its members.

My parents are narcissists. It took me many years to understand it and many more years to accept it. My parents do not have the capacity to love. They simply don't. No matter how I approach them, they avoid intimate conversations and they are cold as ice!

Shortly after arriving in the US from Poland, my mother divorced my dad, then she got remarried and then divorced again. She is 74 and single. My father never remarried.

My father never told me "I love you", "I miss you" or "I am here for you when you need me". The last time I saw my father in person was 8 years ago in Chicago. He is totally ambivalent about what I am doing and how I am doing. He doesn't contact me for my birthdays, holidays, and special occasions.

My mother only wants to talk to me to quiet down her anxieties and loneliness. She rarely shows genuine interest in my work, my love life, and my goals. She never asks me about what I am working on and she hasn't visited me in Colorado ever since I moved here in 2016. She does however drive from Chicago to Florida and visits weddings and events with other people. She has been retired for several years, but when I call her, she is always busy.

It can be very painful to have parents that are physically alive but "dead" emotionally and unable to act like loving parents. It took me a lot of hard work to accept that my parents will never love me the way I should be loved.

I learned a lot about narcissism over the years. I now fully understand that not everyone is "made" for love and that lots of people simply lack the ability to connect with others. They can be beautiful, sexy, and perfect on the outside, but when you get to know them, you discover they don't know how to love, they lack empathy and they show ambivalence to your hurt.

Those were difficult lessons for me, but they made me stronger and they made the Big Gay Family Social Program a lot more effective. I learned that the best places to meet people are communities where narcissistic people are filtered out and where loving people are given the tools to connect.

This distinction is the hallmark of the Big Gay Family Social Program. When you meet gay men in other places, you have no protection against narcissism and personality disorders, but when you meet men inside Big Gay Family, you are instantly protected from them. This is why your experience inside Big Gay Family is instantly better than your typical dating situations.

When I was designing the dating strategy for members of the program I knew that I needed to empower them with tools that protect them from exposure to rejections, judgments, and abandonment. It is because of my experience with narcissistic parents, I knew how to set up the dating strategy so that ALL narcissistic tendencies are removed while kindness and accountability are facilitated.

When I was 33, I went for a walk in Fort Lauderdale's downtown area and got jumped by two guys at gunpoint. It was pretty scary. One moment I was walking along on a sidewalk and a few seconds later I was hit with the gun over my head and fell on my face in the middle of the road. I remember wanting to run away and bouncing against parked cars near the sidewalk and falling again several times on the ground.

I still remember the thought of being shot in the back of my head at any moment as I was attempting to run away. In the end, no shots were fired and I ended up with bruises all over my body. I survived.

They were never captured despite all of this happening in the backyard of Fort Lauderdale's police department.

It is difficult to say how the accident affected me. My mother didn't come to see me from Chicago. But the significance of that only became apparent 10 years later. She and I did talk, but upon finding out what happened to me, nobody from my family visited me.

Luckily, I was with Eric at that time and he asked for time off from work to help me. For the next 2 weeks, he would wash my body with a wet towel, he would make food and he was there for me 24/7. He took me to the hospital for X-rays on the night of the accident to take pics of my torso and my head and luckily I was OK physically. I still remember standing in the shower (watter turned off) with him next to me, unable to move due to the scabs and he was there washing me with a wet towel. It was quite lovely.

I became a more serious person after the accident. I was no longer interested in sex, entertainment, and trivial pursuits. I lost all interest in wanting to impress other people, to try to get them to like me.

I think that I aged significantly on a mental level after the accident. If you watch my videos, you will notice that I am more direct, more serious, less entertaining. I think all of this happened because of the accident.

I grew up in Poland. When I was 9, my parents hired private tutors and over the course of 6 years, I had private lessons in math, Polish, English, German, and history. Upon arriving in the US in 1995, I went to DePaul University for finance and after I turned 30, I did MHA and MBA at the Florida Atlantic University (FAU).

I have always been passionate about psychology and sociology. I love reading books and learning about new theories and frameworks that can help me understand the world.

A significant moment in my education was the work as a computer programmer where I had to learn logic, pattern recognition, and analytical thinking. This was the preparation for the development of the dating strategy inside Big Gay Family.

Instead of looking at dating as an abstract emotional phenomenon, I learned how to look at it as a psychological process that has a beginning, a few steps in between, and an ending. This was how I turned a complex thing called dating into a step-by-step strategy that is now available inside Big Gay Family.

In recent years, it became obvious to me that relationships can be easy to create when we apply the mindset of process developmet and when we insert it into a community environment.  When both are present, it is difficult to fail in friendships and relationships.

By mixing computer programming skills with psychology, we developed a unique approach to friendships and relationships inside Big Gay Family.  Everyone who is familiar with the dating stages inside the program will tell you that it is a very unique experience and that it works!

My favorite are the intimacy tools. 

Inside the program, members get over 50 exercises that help them connect, communicate and create commitments with each other.

Currently, members create intimacy with the following tools: Setup Statements, Intimacy Boosters, Intimacy Codes, and Meditation.

Setup Statements are phrases that are spoken at the beginning of each conversation. Instead of diving into a conversation, members are asked to speak a special phrase that sets the intimate frame for the conversation. After the phrase is spoken, both men continue the conversation. All members have seen amazing levels of intimacy develop just from this one exercise.

Intimacy Boosters are exercises in communication where you give the other person a communication prompt that needs to be finished. This prompt is worded so that it focuses on the needs of each person and it solicits an inquiry into how each person feels. Most people have never done anything like this in their lives. When they try the intimacy boosters, they are filled with warmth and fuzziness and feel connected like lovers.

Intimacy Codes are shortcuts to intimacy. First, you are asked to do an exercise that takes you into a personal space where you share your experiences with anger, fear, and loneliness and upon sharing those experiences you choose a phrase, similar to "Zebra33" or "BlueSky". When that phrase is spoken in the future, both men immediately enter into the space of intimacy and recognize the need for personal attunement and sensibility.

Imagine guiding your boyfriend through meditation. What do you think would happen? Members of the program invite each other into a guided meditation, where one person guides the other through a 20-minute meditation.

After the meditation, both men feel like they have known each other for years. The serenity and the relaxation after the meditation quiet down the voices of the Ego and promote a sensation of brotherly connection. Most gay men have never experienced anything like this with their dates or lovers.

So now you know some of the secrets to the program's success. This is how, inside Big Gay Family, members are creating the best relationships of their lives.

After 12 years of coaching and matchmaking, we have developed a powerful dating strategy that creates long-term relationships for our members. We believe that “It is not your fault for being single”, but instead it is the fault of the dating platforms for enabling abuse and neglecting to provide a pathway for healthy relationships.

The CFC Dating Strategy is a dating protocol that prevents 90% of all mistakes and guides gay men through the most important moments of relationship creation. Instead of a random approach, we promote an intentional approach that includes spirituality and mindfulness.

When our members follow the CFC Dating Strategy, they are guided step-by-step on how to connect to another man without mistakes and rejections.

The CFC Dating Strategy offers specific recommendations for the entire dating process by dividing all dating activities into three stages: Connection, Familiarity, and Commitment. By dividing dating into stages, everyone is clear about what to do in each stage and is less likely to make mistakes.

All relationships are built out of commitments. This is why the CFC Dating Strategy culminates in the Commitment Stage. During the Commitment Stage, members of Big Gay Family use Agreements that bring intentionality and specificity to the direction of the relationship.

This is how each person voices his preferences about sexuality, communication, emotion, monogamy, spirituality, and conflict resolution. With the use of Agreements, members of Big Gay Family achieve breakthroughs in how they build relationships and create lifelong connections.

One of my dreams has been to live in a communal house with 5-6 other men and share the responsibilities for food preparation, gardening, house maintenance, and living space. Over the past year, I have been working on a step-by-step framework that makes communal houses possible for anyone. I will be teaching how to do this in future videos and all members of Big Gay Family will have the option to move into a communal house and share their lives with each other.

Additionally, I will be introducing Family Sessions into Big Gay Family.  Family Sessions are coaching sessions that members have with each other. Instead of hiring coaches and spending lots of money, members of Big Gay Family can do coaching sessions with each other. 

Instead of having one coach, members of BGF can have multiple coaches and pick the one that works best. Family Sessions are pre-designed coaching sessions that can be easily learned by members of the program and used as powerful opportunities to help each other grow and learn.

Family Sessions are important because they are the stepping stone for Big Gay Family becoming fully managed by members, without the need for top-down leadership. Instead, everyone becomes the leader and the coach for everyone else.

The world today is divided.  Many gay men have difficulty connecting because of the mismatch of expectations and beliefs.  

They meet lots of other gay men but end up single at the end regardless of the approach.  To succeed in relationships in today's world, gay men need a different philosophy and a different dating strategy.

Big Gay Family promotes a spiritual perspective for dating and relationships.  Instead of focusing on the needs of the EGO which often reduces the human experience to sex and status,  we focus on the wholesome experience of meeting men and connecting with them.  

This means that the focus is on the moment-by-moment experience of being together without the need to label or categorize.

By focusing on the experience, you are able to date longer and discover more about each other.  When you continue longer, you create an emotional connection and this is how you double your chances for a genuine friendship and a relationship.  

This philosophical shift gives you the power to create relationships in a divisive world where everyone is labeled and categorized according to their political views, sexual preferences, body types, and religious beliefs.  

When you apply mindfulness to dating, everything changes for the better.  Instead of pursuing sexual labels, you can focus on your needs for an emotional connection.  You quickly discover that gay relationships are a lot easier to create and that emotional connections are satisfying and pleasurable.

With consistent introductions and monthly reviews, anyone who participates in Big Gay Family realizes that loving relationships are everywhere - they just need to be discovered by removing labels and agendas and surrendering oneself to the experience of connecting.

Meeting gay men inside a private program like Big Gay Family has many advantages that are life-changing. Most importantly, you are protected from toxic men & situations.

In a perfect world, we would assume that everyone has the capacity for love and healthy dating, but unfortunately, that is not the case. Some gay men are not ready for healthy socializing and meeting them is very risky.

You can log into Grindr, Scruff and other apps and immediatelly experience unhealthy ways of talking and connecting.

By joining a private social program, you are instantly removing 90% of all negative situations that you are dealing with when you meet men on hookup apps and dating platforms.

Big Gay Family is different because we offer accountability and a powerful dating strategy. All members review each other every 30 days and all interactions are guided by a powerful dating strategy that includes over 50 tools and exercises.

Meeting gay men in public social environments is risky because there is no accountability, no principles, and no guidance. To make things worse, dating platforms enable abuse and promote behaviors that create division and conflict. 

This is why most attempts to meet and connect with gay men lead to frustrations, disappointments, and loneliness.

Your biggest predictor for success in relationships is the choice about how you meet men and where you meet them. When you meet gay men through the dating apps you will come across 100's of risky men and situations.  

When you meet gay men inside a private social program like Big Gay Family, you are protected and relationships happen naturally.

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